Dating has long been a topic of debate among teenagers and worried parents. On one hand, shows like Gossip Girl and Degrassi glorify dating life for high schoolers—teens are portrayed as preoccupied with love triangles or with impressing their crushes, even though this is not actually the case. Parents, on the other hand, may see these situations and start worrying. For many, the thought of their teenager dating conjures fears of worst-case scenarios like teen pregnancy, abuse or drugs. But neither of these stereotypes about dating are necessarily true. Dating in high school isn’t really a popularity contest and isn’t necessarily dangerous. In fact, dating at this age can actually be beneficial in ways you might not have thought about.
First, you get valuable life experience from being in a relationship. Dating requires important skills—communication with others, being able to advocate for yourself, knowing your boundaries, empathizing with and understanding others. All of these come up in life, whether you’re in a romantic relationship or not. For example, you need to be able to express your feelings so that your partner can better understand you. In real life later on, that can help with maintaining a friendship, expressing needs in a workplace, and more. The earlier these skills are developed, the better.
Second, dating can also teach you how to change harmful patterns. Everyone is sensitive to different things; everyone reacts in different ways to varying obstacles. Personal problems will be shared with your partner, who will eventually see every part of you—including the parts you don’t want them to see. Your personal thought patterns affect how you face a situation with your partner. Being with someone else can help you recognize harmful patterns that are not as obvious as when you’re on your own, which benefits you and your partner in the long run. It’s like it is often said: “Love yourself first, and everything falls in line”—in order to have a healthy relationship you have to understand yourself first.
Lastly, one big fear for parents is that teenagers might end up with an abusive partner and become trapped in a toxic cycle. This is a completely reasonable worry; however, it’s better to learn to overcome harsh obstacles earlier rather than later. No one wants their child to become part of a problematic relationship and teenagers need to have adequate support, but an experience earlier on may help them understand what isn’t normal in a relationship and how they deserve to be treated. Teenagers are often told in health classes not to get into abusive relationships, but it is only through real life experience that they can know what to avoid.
In the end, dating at a young age is a choice that families make. But it is important to know that there are real reasons to date earlier—dating is not just a teenage whim and it doesn’t mean that they will automatically end up in a bad situation. It’s always better to learn these skills earlier, than to end up in college with someone for the first time and to get the pressure to settle down immediately without having had any relationship experience. Plus, those skills you get can apply to other aspects of your life.
Written by Zoe Duni of Walter Johnson High School